I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
