distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
