whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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