wanna go halves on a baby?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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