Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
