And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
