I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
