Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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