note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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