They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
