You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Randomize
