I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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