I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
