the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
