Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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