True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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