Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I can't turn off my feet"
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
