So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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