no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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