who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
