Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
