what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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