wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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