So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
