You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
How many fucks given?
0.12846
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
