I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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