my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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