I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
All the doctor said was why
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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