Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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