Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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