I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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