She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize