where am i from again
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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