Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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