No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
