Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
