I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
