We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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