no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
