Sorry, I don't speak sober.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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