girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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