Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
