rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
