How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
