and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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