Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
