If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
