remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
