if you like me you must not know who I am
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
