I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
