somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
