You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I'm jealous of your bromance
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
