She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Randomize
