beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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