Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
